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Nigredo

Uncut. No audience. No revision. The thought before it learns to behave.

afflictions
15fragments
  1. Was it ever any different, Sol?

    ... you're always here, in the same place.

    malaiserotexhaustionbushaunheimlichsaudade

    A late night moment after a long day.

    It's the old fear again... nothing quite scares you as much as being tired.

    When did you start developing this phobia for staying still, petit mouton? Don't think too hard on it... I know the whole story.

    What I'm truly asking is... why is it still here? Things have changed in y...

  2. When things are well

    it never lasts

    lonelinesshiraethAngstunheimlichexhaustion

    i will never understand the people who live each day as if tomorrow is not plotting against them. i will never understand the ones who use their money as if they could never find themselves unemployed. i will never understand the majority, never clenching for the worst at every step they take.

    am i wrong? or are they...

  3. Dog Days Never Over

    they always come back

    lonelinessguiltunheimlichrotexhaustion

    unfortunate timing.

    after a night like that, forced to stay in bed with a high fever.

    feels like being laughed at by something so far above me I can’t even be too mad.

  4. I lost my fren

    ... and I only met him 3 days ago

    saudadelonelinessrageunheimlichAngstpanicmalaiseacedia

    The formless unease had been building up. The one I always feel when things start going right for just a bit too long.

    I remember my last words to him. In the not-so-far future we’ll lose access to each other.

    Fucking hell… me and my big mouth… I really have to stop the prophetic words I keep bringing things in my di...

  5. Why can't I do it

    One step, just one step

    hiraethunheimlichAngstexhaustionacediamono no aware

    am i resisting moving forward because i’m lazy or because i’m forcing myself to do things that i don’t inherently enjoy? is my fate stuck to things that i enjoy? what if things i enjoy don’t give money? what if they do and i’m not smart enough to turn them into money?

    god fucking damn it…

    why can’t i ever have comfor...